Post by Autumn's Nightmare on Dec 30, 2008 16:50:08 GMT -5
[glow=orange,2,300]Here we can post short stories, and offer suggestions or just comment. Hope this is okay.[/glow]
This is based on a true story...AKA, last night and today. Feel free to make coments.
The rain came down in heavy sheets as the wind knocked it against the windows. I remembered that night. I had just got off the computer to go read, although it was well past time for sleep. Briefly I turned the pages to New Moon; I was enjoying the series too much. A quote caught my heart by surprise.
“I’ve let this go on much too long, and I’m sorry for that.”
“Don’t.” My voice was just a whisper now; awareness began
to seep through me, trickling like acid through my veins. “Don’t
do this.”
I knew exactly how poor Bella felt. Her stomach was a huge numb knot, her vision was blurred by tears, her eyes darted from one object to another, and unable to think clearly; it was all too familiar to me. I closed the book and gently set it down next to my cell phone.
‘Don’t do it,’ my voice echoed in my head. I had to. ‘No, don’t. It’ll just hurt you more.’ Already I could feel the tears surfacing into my eyes. How could I hurt more than I already did? An invisible iced hand reached around and grabbed my throat, closing it so no air could pass. After what seemed an hour, my cell phone was in hand.
I pressed the button on the right, on the outside. The screen came to life. “3:37 AM …” My voice was soft, scared, cracked, and oddly enough, it sounded weak. I flipped the razor phone open. There was the picture of Ariel and me; my best friend who moved to Florida. 12/30/08. It had been five days. The coward broke up with me on Christmas Night, of all the days in December he chose that one to break up with me because of a rumor in school.
I pressed the right arrow button; the camera came on and then I pressed the right button up at the corner. A new menu emerged, the very top one read ‘Go to Pictures’. My hand trembled, I could hear my heart thundering, it sounded like it was about to burst. My stomach clenched as I surfed the pictures. There was Jake.
He was wearing an orange shirt, his black tool hat, and only parts of his dirty blonde hair were showing. His deep, beautiful green eyes…They were happy. The tears flew freely from my hazel eyes. The hot rivers flew down my face, it burned. I could not stop them as hard as I tried. Too many memories were playing in my head. From when he asked me out, our first kiss, when his truck broke down by the cemetery on the way to our first date, when he met my parents, singing to songs that were playing in his truck, his father hugging me, spending hours together, the party he came to, the Christmas present he gave me, wishing him a merry Christmas, then him breaking up. It flooded over my emotions. My blood froze as the tears kept coming. The back of my neck burned when I thought of his last words to me. I kept my cell phone open; clinging it to my chest. I curled up on my side, trying to regain my composure. It was a lost fight.
So many times I hugged my tear-stained pillow at night, praying that some God would hear me, some Goddess would rest her peaceful hand on my shoulder and comfort me. I just needed this pain to stop. More than once I thought of pain, mercy, and a regretting thought of death. Only one could happen, and that was pain. Life showed no mercy, and no man was worth my life. Not like this. Not when I didn’t do anything wrong. My life was worth more than this. I had a future to live for, and time, odd as it is, is a healing power. Over time things would get better; but not right now.
It was almost an hour I laid on the couch, sobbing, holding onto the phone as if it were a life line. With little thought and weak from the emotional rush, I closed my phone. Why didn’t I listen to that stupid voice in my head? I wiped my black tears off from my face. My mascara and eye liner were no longer water proof. They were not made for this kind of torture. I grabbed New Moon and stuck my cell in my pocket, running upstairs. Was this nightmare ever going to end? Was there no escape?
As I ran, the wind rattled the windows; the rain was plastering the house with no intent of slowing. The air upstairs was colder and thin. My heart raced as I closed my bedroom door behind me. What was wrong with me? So what if I was an average girl crying at night because of a stupid boy telling her that it was over? So what? Time would heal me…right? Would the tears stop? Not tonight. Tonight they would flow just as they did last night, and the night before last, and every night since Christmas.
I fell to my knees, exhausted. In those five days I had hardly acquired 12 hours of sleep. My head rested in my trembling, iced hands. My body rocked back and forth; my mind sped, all I could see was his ‘million watt smile’, the intense feeling of his eyes looking deep into mine. His eyes…They were green, three different shades. Around the pupil was a dark olive color, then around that a gentle sage color. There were two dots, one to the left of his pupil, and one to the right. They were both a rich pine color. The dots were only placed in his right eye. I could still feel the last time we touched, his arms holding tight to my back as we hugged goodbye. I could still smell him, that sweet, calming smell.
I looked up, opening my eyes only to see an overly happy dachshund puppy on my bed. I put my head down, staring at the floor. I was begging, praying that there would be some sign that this distasteful event was over, that my pain would stop and that I could finally rest. I searched for answers. My heart told me to mourn him, my mind told me to forget him, yet deep inside, I felt that I was not to mourn, and not to forget. Besides, everything happened for a reason, right?
I got up from the floor; the room was spinning around me in bright colors. I curled up on my bed, hugging my pillow as more tears fell. As many times before, I begged it to take the pain away. Something nudged my arm and I looked up, only to see two floppy ears and bright, handsome brown eyes looking at me. His long, slender build trembled as the wind pushed hard against my frosted window.
I leaned up and grabbed him, wrapping my arms around the poor creature. I sobbed into his soft black coat. He seemed to understand for he just laid there, licking my face, tail wagging. Dogs, they really are mans best friend. They know when to cheer you up, and they know when to put you into line. They were there, always, no matter what happened. Perhaps even more reliable than a human at times. Soon my eyes grew heavy, and my sobbing and tears came to an end. I felt sleep drifting into my body, my eyes shut… I accepted it, waiting for tomorrow’s events to come.
I woke up to my mother’s voice calling up the stairs. “Autumn! Wake up!” She sounded mad, or perhaps tired. Maybe both. It was hard to tell sometimes. I threw the blankets back and opened my door, calling back. “I’ll be right down.” I could tell what was going on. My brother was on the computer, mom was in the kitchen, dad was doing chores, and grandma was playing Bubble Bobble on the play station, as always. My eyes were sore from the restless sleep. I checked my phone. It was 11:34 AM. I had gotten a whole 5 hours of sleep. Joyful. A new day.
My stomach churned at the thought of last night…Why did I miss him so? I had several guys that asked me out, I said no to all of them, and perhaps said no to myself. I walked back into my bed room and threw on some different pants, leaving my shirt there. “Autumn!” I sighed, and put my phone in my pocket, closing the door behind me. Tomorrow…Tomorrow I’ll think of it. Tomorrow I’ll deal with it. Yeah, like that would happen.
I dragged myself down the 14 steps that groaned under my weight. The family portraits passed by me as I slowly descended the steps. I came to the bottom, greeted by Chuppa and Rascals. Sure enough, everyone was where I thought they were. I called out, “Anyone want coffee?” Mom and dad both replied, so I made six cups of coffee. I poured the cups out, and added sugar and creamer to mine. I did some small talk, and then went upstairs. Nothing out of the normal. It was a nice morning for the warm coffee… New York was never warm; it was only 32 degrees Fahrenheit.
My bed beckoned me to sit. My music was on surround sound. I leaned back, resting my head against my now cold and crisp pillow. I started to sing to the music, not really paying much attention to it. I pulled out my cell phone and opened it. ‘Don’t do it!’ I turned on my side, closing my phone, taking my own advice. One look wouldn’t hurt, right? Nothing could hurt more than I hurt now. ‘Yes, it’ll hurt you. YOU know that. Don’t do it!’ Why not?
Picture number 54. That was Jake, the same smile, same happy look in his eyes, full of joy; the face I used to trace with my fingers, the lips that used to whisper sweet nothings in my ears, even his nose that would slightly wrinkle as he laughed. It all burned my memory. I took a deep breath, fighting the tears as best as I could. I closed my phone.
My All by Mariah Carey came on. Of all songs, this one hit home. The tears worked hard to break free, and they did. Music is more powerful than given credit for. I picked up a random book and threw it at my wall. My wolf dream catcher fell, knocking over my stool that had a few Christmas presents on it. This song was too perfect for my mood. I would give anything, to have one more night with him. Just to tell him my thoughts, and to tell him how I feel…
I rolled over, trying to ignore the emotions that filled my room. Ignoring my mood, my emotions, and my phone ringing. Ringing? I checked it, and caller ID reported that it was an unknown number. I clicked ignore. Maybe I should…No. No calling him. So many times I wanted to, every night at 9:01 PM I picked up my phone, expecting it to ring, or to make the call, but it never did, not after Christmas. I had no need to now. I had to remind myself, there was no one to call.
Suddenly I could hear my heart beat increase, my head was throbbing. This song, it hurt so much. Far Away, by Nickelback.
This time, This place
Misused, Mistakes
Too long, Too late
Who was I to make you wait
Just one chance
Just one breath
Just in case there's just one left
'Cause you know,
you know, you know
That I love you
I have loved you all along
And I miss you
Been far away for far too long
I keep dreaming you'll be with me
and you'll never go
Stop breathing if
I don't see you anymore
It was too hard. My eyes burned again, my breath was cut short by a stabbing pain in my chest. Why was I like this? I was stronger than this, I needed to put my emotions aside, and I could not let them run me. I had a life I had to live; I couldn’t waist precious moments of time I could ever get back on some bum that broke up with me. There had to be an end to this agony, this weak behavior. It just had to end.
Maybe a movie would help. I quickly sat up, dried my face once again, and turned off my music. I looked at the movies there in my bed room. The Notebook, Brother Bear Two, Titanic, The King and I…My heart suck to the deepest part of my stomach. Monsters Inc. That was the last movie I watched with…him. Did I have any normal video’s here? Nope. Nothing was going to be normal again. I picked up New Moon to see what Bella would do.
This is based on a true story...AKA, last night and today. Feel free to make coments.
The rain came down in heavy sheets as the wind knocked it against the windows. I remembered that night. I had just got off the computer to go read, although it was well past time for sleep. Briefly I turned the pages to New Moon; I was enjoying the series too much. A quote caught my heart by surprise.
“I’ve let this go on much too long, and I’m sorry for that.”
“Don’t.” My voice was just a whisper now; awareness began
to seep through me, trickling like acid through my veins. “Don’t
do this.”
I knew exactly how poor Bella felt. Her stomach was a huge numb knot, her vision was blurred by tears, her eyes darted from one object to another, and unable to think clearly; it was all too familiar to me. I closed the book and gently set it down next to my cell phone.
‘Don’t do it,’ my voice echoed in my head. I had to. ‘No, don’t. It’ll just hurt you more.’ Already I could feel the tears surfacing into my eyes. How could I hurt more than I already did? An invisible iced hand reached around and grabbed my throat, closing it so no air could pass. After what seemed an hour, my cell phone was in hand.
I pressed the button on the right, on the outside. The screen came to life. “3:37 AM …” My voice was soft, scared, cracked, and oddly enough, it sounded weak. I flipped the razor phone open. There was the picture of Ariel and me; my best friend who moved to Florida. 12/30/08. It had been five days. The coward broke up with me on Christmas Night, of all the days in December he chose that one to break up with me because of a rumor in school.
I pressed the right arrow button; the camera came on and then I pressed the right button up at the corner. A new menu emerged, the very top one read ‘Go to Pictures’. My hand trembled, I could hear my heart thundering, it sounded like it was about to burst. My stomach clenched as I surfed the pictures. There was Jake.
He was wearing an orange shirt, his black tool hat, and only parts of his dirty blonde hair were showing. His deep, beautiful green eyes…They were happy. The tears flew freely from my hazel eyes. The hot rivers flew down my face, it burned. I could not stop them as hard as I tried. Too many memories were playing in my head. From when he asked me out, our first kiss, when his truck broke down by the cemetery on the way to our first date, when he met my parents, singing to songs that were playing in his truck, his father hugging me, spending hours together, the party he came to, the Christmas present he gave me, wishing him a merry Christmas, then him breaking up. It flooded over my emotions. My blood froze as the tears kept coming. The back of my neck burned when I thought of his last words to me. I kept my cell phone open; clinging it to my chest. I curled up on my side, trying to regain my composure. It was a lost fight.
So many times I hugged my tear-stained pillow at night, praying that some God would hear me, some Goddess would rest her peaceful hand on my shoulder and comfort me. I just needed this pain to stop. More than once I thought of pain, mercy, and a regretting thought of death. Only one could happen, and that was pain. Life showed no mercy, and no man was worth my life. Not like this. Not when I didn’t do anything wrong. My life was worth more than this. I had a future to live for, and time, odd as it is, is a healing power. Over time things would get better; but not right now.
It was almost an hour I laid on the couch, sobbing, holding onto the phone as if it were a life line. With little thought and weak from the emotional rush, I closed my phone. Why didn’t I listen to that stupid voice in my head? I wiped my black tears off from my face. My mascara and eye liner were no longer water proof. They were not made for this kind of torture. I grabbed New Moon and stuck my cell in my pocket, running upstairs. Was this nightmare ever going to end? Was there no escape?
As I ran, the wind rattled the windows; the rain was plastering the house with no intent of slowing. The air upstairs was colder and thin. My heart raced as I closed my bedroom door behind me. What was wrong with me? So what if I was an average girl crying at night because of a stupid boy telling her that it was over? So what? Time would heal me…right? Would the tears stop? Not tonight. Tonight they would flow just as they did last night, and the night before last, and every night since Christmas.
I fell to my knees, exhausted. In those five days I had hardly acquired 12 hours of sleep. My head rested in my trembling, iced hands. My body rocked back and forth; my mind sped, all I could see was his ‘million watt smile’, the intense feeling of his eyes looking deep into mine. His eyes…They were green, three different shades. Around the pupil was a dark olive color, then around that a gentle sage color. There were two dots, one to the left of his pupil, and one to the right. They were both a rich pine color. The dots were only placed in his right eye. I could still feel the last time we touched, his arms holding tight to my back as we hugged goodbye. I could still smell him, that sweet, calming smell.
I looked up, opening my eyes only to see an overly happy dachshund puppy on my bed. I put my head down, staring at the floor. I was begging, praying that there would be some sign that this distasteful event was over, that my pain would stop and that I could finally rest. I searched for answers. My heart told me to mourn him, my mind told me to forget him, yet deep inside, I felt that I was not to mourn, and not to forget. Besides, everything happened for a reason, right?
I got up from the floor; the room was spinning around me in bright colors. I curled up on my bed, hugging my pillow as more tears fell. As many times before, I begged it to take the pain away. Something nudged my arm and I looked up, only to see two floppy ears and bright, handsome brown eyes looking at me. His long, slender build trembled as the wind pushed hard against my frosted window.
I leaned up and grabbed him, wrapping my arms around the poor creature. I sobbed into his soft black coat. He seemed to understand for he just laid there, licking my face, tail wagging. Dogs, they really are mans best friend. They know when to cheer you up, and they know when to put you into line. They were there, always, no matter what happened. Perhaps even more reliable than a human at times. Soon my eyes grew heavy, and my sobbing and tears came to an end. I felt sleep drifting into my body, my eyes shut… I accepted it, waiting for tomorrow’s events to come.
I woke up to my mother’s voice calling up the stairs. “Autumn! Wake up!” She sounded mad, or perhaps tired. Maybe both. It was hard to tell sometimes. I threw the blankets back and opened my door, calling back. “I’ll be right down.” I could tell what was going on. My brother was on the computer, mom was in the kitchen, dad was doing chores, and grandma was playing Bubble Bobble on the play station, as always. My eyes were sore from the restless sleep. I checked my phone. It was 11:34 AM. I had gotten a whole 5 hours of sleep. Joyful. A new day.
My stomach churned at the thought of last night…Why did I miss him so? I had several guys that asked me out, I said no to all of them, and perhaps said no to myself. I walked back into my bed room and threw on some different pants, leaving my shirt there. “Autumn!” I sighed, and put my phone in my pocket, closing the door behind me. Tomorrow…Tomorrow I’ll think of it. Tomorrow I’ll deal with it. Yeah, like that would happen.
I dragged myself down the 14 steps that groaned under my weight. The family portraits passed by me as I slowly descended the steps. I came to the bottom, greeted by Chuppa and Rascals. Sure enough, everyone was where I thought they were. I called out, “Anyone want coffee?” Mom and dad both replied, so I made six cups of coffee. I poured the cups out, and added sugar and creamer to mine. I did some small talk, and then went upstairs. Nothing out of the normal. It was a nice morning for the warm coffee… New York was never warm; it was only 32 degrees Fahrenheit.
My bed beckoned me to sit. My music was on surround sound. I leaned back, resting my head against my now cold and crisp pillow. I started to sing to the music, not really paying much attention to it. I pulled out my cell phone and opened it. ‘Don’t do it!’ I turned on my side, closing my phone, taking my own advice. One look wouldn’t hurt, right? Nothing could hurt more than I hurt now. ‘Yes, it’ll hurt you. YOU know that. Don’t do it!’ Why not?
Picture number 54. That was Jake, the same smile, same happy look in his eyes, full of joy; the face I used to trace with my fingers, the lips that used to whisper sweet nothings in my ears, even his nose that would slightly wrinkle as he laughed. It all burned my memory. I took a deep breath, fighting the tears as best as I could. I closed my phone.
My All by Mariah Carey came on. Of all songs, this one hit home. The tears worked hard to break free, and they did. Music is more powerful than given credit for. I picked up a random book and threw it at my wall. My wolf dream catcher fell, knocking over my stool that had a few Christmas presents on it. This song was too perfect for my mood. I would give anything, to have one more night with him. Just to tell him my thoughts, and to tell him how I feel…
I rolled over, trying to ignore the emotions that filled my room. Ignoring my mood, my emotions, and my phone ringing. Ringing? I checked it, and caller ID reported that it was an unknown number. I clicked ignore. Maybe I should…No. No calling him. So many times I wanted to, every night at 9:01 PM I picked up my phone, expecting it to ring, or to make the call, but it never did, not after Christmas. I had no need to now. I had to remind myself, there was no one to call.
Suddenly I could hear my heart beat increase, my head was throbbing. This song, it hurt so much. Far Away, by Nickelback.
This time, This place
Misused, Mistakes
Too long, Too late
Who was I to make you wait
Just one chance
Just one breath
Just in case there's just one left
'Cause you know,
you know, you know
That I love you
I have loved you all along
And I miss you
Been far away for far too long
I keep dreaming you'll be with me
and you'll never go
Stop breathing if
I don't see you anymore
It was too hard. My eyes burned again, my breath was cut short by a stabbing pain in my chest. Why was I like this? I was stronger than this, I needed to put my emotions aside, and I could not let them run me. I had a life I had to live; I couldn’t waist precious moments of time I could ever get back on some bum that broke up with me. There had to be an end to this agony, this weak behavior. It just had to end.
Maybe a movie would help. I quickly sat up, dried my face once again, and turned off my music. I looked at the movies there in my bed room. The Notebook, Brother Bear Two, Titanic, The King and I…My heart suck to the deepest part of my stomach. Monsters Inc. That was the last movie I watched with…him. Did I have any normal video’s here? Nope. Nothing was going to be normal again. I picked up New Moon to see what Bella would do.